Now I’m seeing dating through the eyes of my adult children, and honestly? It’s a whole different planet. Courtships have turned into hookups. Sex doesn’t equal intimacy. Too many choices have turned into “can I do better?” It’s all noise, no connection. So, with their permission, I posted my kids’ profiles in a large public Jewish Facebook group. And wow… people were not exactly behaving like mensches.

I posted my son’s profile, and some woman commented, “Do you still change his diaper?” My response — after biting my tongue through a sea of nonsense — was, “He is fully potty-trained. I even taught him to conduct himself with kindness and class. Would you like me to work with you?” Not my finest moment, but after watching people hide behind screens and act like the worst versions of themselves, I snapped. How could Jews treat other Jews with such disrespect? Why choose cruelty when silence is an option?

My daughter’s profile got a flood of fire emojis, which I found to be… uninspired at best. It all made me realize how desperately people want connection but how badly the current dating culture is failing them.

Before October 7th, I always felt a bit unsure of my place in the Jewish community — like I was hovering on the edges, not fully anchored. But after the massacre, something shifted. I felt a deeper pull to my Jewish identity. A longing for connection, for community, for that unspoken understanding that comes from shared history. I wish it hadn’t taken something so horrific to wake that up in me, but it did, and it gave me clarity. It gave me purpose.

I realized I was meant to build my own community — a place where inclusivity isn’t a buzzword but a baseline. A space where ALL Jews feel welcome and, G-d willing, where some will even find love. My mitzvah is Bagels & Bae and The Well Seasoned Edition on Facebook, Bagels.Bae318 on Instagram and now, The Bashert Exchange.

I’m just a Jewish mother who wants her children to experience the love, respect, and partnership their father and I share.

Dating today is rough. It takes skill, patience, and sometimes a little prayer. People toss around phrases like “We just have different communication styles” or “I’m taking time to work on myself,” but let’s be real: breaking up over text or disappearing into silence says more about someone’s character than anything else. That part, I’ll never understand.

What I do understand is kindness. Directness. Romance. And I want that to make a comeback. Romance isn’t outdated; it’s intentional. Letting a man court you doesn’t make you weak or unequal. It means you’re allowing space for connection to grow. Men need to court. Women need to acknowledge and appreciate romantic gestures. In Bagels & Bae, that’s the kind of advice I’m giving — because singles are drowning in groups that lead nowhere. I’m trying to give our members something better.